Acceptance is a bit of a buzzword in a number of treatment programs for mental illness: DBT and ACT being two. In Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) there is "Radical Acceptance" and in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) it's one of the 6 core principles (hey, it's even in the name of the therapy). It is a very useful strategy to use in regards to trauma and eating disorders, I found. But,
Acceptance has a few different meanings...
When people think of acceptance, they often that to accept something means that we want it. But in terms of therapeutic acceptance (also known as non-judgemental acceptance/radical acceptance) it is about believing something to be valid.
how does it relate to recovery?
Past Trauma
I will honestly admit that this is still very much, a work in progress for me. The idea of acknowledging the past is scary and painful. But until I accept that what happened... happened, it's going to build up and begin to seep out into other aspects of my life.
Part of it too, is I have to accept that it has happened and
nothing that I do now will make it go away. Self-destructive behaviours certainly distract from thoughts about it but it comes back... That's why self-harming behaviours (including disordered eating behaviours) can become addictive, they stave off the past in the short term. Trauma is one of those things we can't change. And once I accept that, I don't expend so much energy trying to make it
go away.
In
The Happiness Trap (My new ACT bible) the author says "the solution is the problem". All the strategies that we use to try and
solve the 'negative' emotions that are yucky to feel—often reduce our quality of life. Even some of those strategies that aren't immediately destructive. If I have to spend my whole life running/hiding from the negative, it leaves me very little time and energy to do things that will lead to the life that I want.
It sounds way too simple—I have simplified it greatly. I'm not saying that now that I accept the past I am fine. But, to accept it and "make room" for it in my mind will allow my therapist and I to process how the trauma memories are still affecting me today.
Body Image
Accepting my body has been a two stage process. Stage one: non-judgementally accept my body as it is. And Stage 2 : accept and
approve of my body. Yep, I think, unlike other aspects of our recovery/therapy, its important to bring in approval to acceptance of our body.
Initially, I had to come to terms with how my body looked/felt at a 'recovery' weight, once the fluctuations reduced down to normal.
I'd describe my body without using judgement words: positive or negative. Just state what is there.
I have a waist that comes in slightly before the hips and a rounded tummy that is not flat. My hips come out wider than my waist and a little more than my upper torso. My thighs touch at the top and they are larger in width than my calves. (It's mainly my lower body that I have described here because that's what I can see right now)
That's how I see my body without judging my observations. It is difficult but important to use neutral language; I've used wider and larger only to relate it to other body parts; I could have said fatter and huge (but they have negative judgements/connotations attached).
And, I have accepted that this is what I look like. The next stage is to be comfortable with it. I like to give a positive spin to aspects that I am not so comfortable with...
e.g. my "tummy that is not flat"
In order for me to have a flat tummy, my pelvic/hip bone protrudes. And, when I have this I don't make a good hugger. (as told to me by a very honest 7yr old) As part of my job as a nanny, I need to give comforting hugs (esp. when she's scared or upset).
my non "straight-up-and-down" legs
They make boot-cut jeans look
Awesome! They also have a considerable amount of power. I've nearly broken creepy guys hands with these thighs.
It's also important not to compare with others. Sure, that girl may have stick thin thighs and I don't... so what? We aren't all meant to have the same legs. There is no 'formula' for how we
ought to look like. Beauty comes from confidence... if you feel comfortable in your body, it shows :)
